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Wanted: Efficient Secretary for the After-life
March 19, 2007In my next life, I hope I get a secretary very much unlike the one I have now. My next secretary should be able to speak in passable, if not flawless, English. She should be quick and efficient. She shouldn't have to be told what to do. She should have all the filing categories memorized. She should be able to do Math without getting at least five numbers wrong per calculation. She shouldn't ask my permission every time she needs to go to the john. The present secretary does that and it drives me up the wall.
Her: Can I go to the CR?
Me: Why do you have to ask me that question? Have I ever said no?
Her: No, but you're the manager. It feels odd not to ask.
Me: Why? Do you think there's a possibility I'll prevent you from going?
Her: No. But it feels odd not to ask.
Me: Why does it feel odd not to ask?
Her: Because you may want me to do something else.
Me: Have I ever stopped you from going to the CR because you have to do something else?
Her: No, but I wanted to ask.
Me: (slumping in my seat in exasperation) Okay, you may go to the CR.
I don't get it. Why does she have to ask for permission to go to the john? If my goal were to monitor her every move or location, I'd have had a homing device implanted in her ID.
Oh, and did I say she also asks permission every time she starts a new task?
Me: Kindly encode this report.
A few minutes later…
Her: Ma'am, can I start encoding the report, now?
Me: Didn't I ask you to do that a few minutes ago?
Her: Yes, but I want to ask your permission before I start my task.
Ye office gods, you owe me big time. You better be good to me in my next life because I've put up with this secretary longer than any person should ever have to; and if you're mean to me, still, and give me the same secretary in my next life, I swear I'll get a rope and string her up by the window, where she could sway in sync to every passing breeze.
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Maybe your secretary has never gotten over her elementary phase? Wherein you have to ask permission just so you could go out or go to the CR.
Good luck.
Posted by Kai at March 19, 2007, 4:44 pm